First Grave on the Right

First Grave on the Right➽ [Download] ✤ First Grave on the Right By Darynda Jones ➲ – This whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manualOr a diagram of some kindA flow chart would have been niceCharley Davidson is a part time private investigator and full time grim reaper Mean This whole grim reaper thing should have come on the eBook ¸ with a manualOr a diagram of some kindA flow chart would have been niceCharley Davidson is a part time private investigator and full time grim reaper Meaning she sees dead people Really And it's her job to convince them to go into the light But when these very dead people have died under less than ideal circumstances like murder sometimes they want Charley to bring the bad guys to First Grave PDF/EPUB ² justice Complicating matters are the intensely hot dreams she's been having about an entity who has been following her all her lifeand it turns out he might not be dead after all In fact he might be something else entirely But what does he want with Charley And why can't she seem to resist him And what does she have to lose by giving inWith scorching hot tension and high octane humor First Grave on the Right is Grave on the Epub Ü your signpost to paranormal suspense of the highest order. Charley Davidson is like white chocolate You either love it or you think it's an abomination of nature I love white chocolate I love Charley Davidson and I am not ashamedShe's got such a great narrative voice she is dare I say it a lot like me A lot of deadpan humor A lot of inappropriate thoughts at the worst possible times “Well I was kind of kidnapped though not really kidnapped so much as led away”A hand shot to her mouth to suelch a gasp“God all this sounds so awful when I say it out loud” I complained “I whine than a Goth with a blogging fetish It’s really not that bad I actually grew up rather happy I had lots of friends They were mostly dead but still” Charley is special without being a special snowflake “Is anything broken?” Uncle Bob’s voice had softened“My eyelids I think I can’t open them”I heard a soft chuckle “If it were anyone else I’d say eyelids can’t be broken But considering the source”A weak grin spread across my face “So I’m like special?”He snorted as he pressed gingerly here and there testing for broken bones and the like “Special wouldn’t even begin to cover it my dear” Charley is a Grim Reaper She can see the dead and take them through the other side As you can well imagine it must have been pretty fucking rough growing up with that ability Seriously some kid comes up to me and tells me I see dead people you'd tell him he was nuts and eventually everyone else would pick up on the weirdness because kids are assholes Charley grew up ostracized by friends and even family but she coped in her own way; she is strong she is resilient She isn't filled with misery and depression and self pity She is pissed off at times but she deals with it through her snark and sarcasm and all around awesome Charley ness Which isn't to say she never gets angry she damned well gets mad but she can deal with the unfairness life has dealt her “People like those assholes at the station yesterday People like Taft with their sideways glances and hushed whispers who turn their backs on me every time I walk into a room People like you who treat me like shit until they figure out I really can do what I say I can do And then suddenly I’m their best friend” We all have our coping mechanism and I see her sarcasm and her inappropriate sense of humor as one of such Seriously I find Charley absolutely hilarious She speaks her lines with such a deadpan sense of humor The first time I read the book I was howling with laughter I twisted around in my seat to face him “My fore parts as you so inelouently put it have names” I pointed to my right breast “This is Danger” Then my left “And this is Will Robinson I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly”After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times he asked “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug “I named my ovaries too but they don’t get out as much I know that Charley isn't everyone's cup of tea and I completely understand if she grates on your nerves but personally I adore her well I can't say the same for the later books in the series but still I think it's time someone let the author of this book into a little secret Ms Jones stringing together a thousand odd wisecracks does not make a novel That is commonly known as a Joke Book In fiction we like our wisecracks accompanied by an actual plot plot development sub plots and character development Say it with me Sto ry line You know that teen movie trope about a nerdy guy trying to be popular by joking around with the jocks? Only his jokes always sound rehearsed and fall flat and he fades away into obscurity?First Grave on the Right reminds me of nothing so much as that guy trying desperately to be funny so people would be inclined to like him better and overlook his general lack of charisma The book is filled with 'gems' like Isn’t that a bit like the pot calling the kettle African American? and If I were edible I’d be a fruitcake no of course I haven't heard that one before ha haThe only reason this book is getting two stars is because it actually managed to surprise some involuntary laughter out of me at some points Here for example On the plus side I did learn that Martians should never try to become human just to drink our water Since Martians didn’t exist I figured they were part of some bizarre Rocket Man analogy So what on Earth could be comparable to alien beings? Besides circus performers? It had to be someone living contrary to the norm I could think of a couple of groups but I felt strangely secure in the knowledge that Reyes was neither an IRS auditor nor a member of the Manson familyBut such truly witty moments are few and far The rest of the book reads like one of those sitcoms where the only laughter generated is from a can You never really get a feel for any of the characters sandwiched in between all the sarcasm Even Charley Davidson end up being an amalgamation of unending snark constant injury and metaphysical sexcapades She’s so busy inserting self deprecating humor into her backstory she fails to make an impact even at the points when she should have been hitting the emotional hot buttons And do NOT get me started on the number of times she tells Garrett Swopes to kiss her ass Seriously I think he got it the first ten times you said it Charley The plot development is rudimentary at best Characters appear and disappear without warning and their absences are never explained satisfactorily The book begins when Charley encounters the ghosts of three law firm partners in uick succession all three lawyers having been killed by the same modus operandi at the same time So of course one would be justified in thinking that this mystery would form the crux of the ‘plot’ One would be wrong About a uarter of the way through Charley in a classic display of self diagnosed ADD suddenly decides to abandon this mystery in favour of hunting down her mysterious dream lover The lawyer mystery involves mafiosi human trafficking murder false imprisonment and missing teenagers But of course solving that is a piece of cake It reuires about fifty pages in the beginning a little five page teaser in the middle and a convenient ten page conclusion with next to no investigative input from Charley Davidson PI All of the grim reaper slash private investigator’s resources through most of the book are tied up in investigating the mystery man who has hot dream sex with her every night Said dreamboat ha Pun is of course supernatural super hot super powerful super possessive super protective and conseuently just the sort of man every independent woman dreams of Having started off their association on an auspicious note by strangling her in a chokehold and threatening to rape her he then continues their happy fulfilling relationship by vanishing for several decades before returning to dream rape her anonymously But hey guess what it’s all forgiven because he’s so hot and he’s saved her life several times and the dream sex is so orgasmic and she felt a ‘connection’ with him when he first assaulted and threatened her and — did I mention — he’s SO HOT?Then there is the third angle in this painful triangle the hot human Garrett Swopes who pisses off our heroine by refusing to accept immediately that she can see ghosts How very unreasonable and unromantic of him No doubt if he had pushed her up against the wall and threatened to whip her she would have been accepting of his measly human scruples There are several heavy handed hints that he likes Charley but she remains madly in love with the man of her dreams Who is in prison for murdering a man but surprise surprise Charley just knows he didn’t do it Why? Because she doesn’t believe he’s that kind of guy I wonder why the defense didn’t present THAT argument during his trial?There are several sub plots that are very unnecessary like the one about the client who tries to escape her abusive husband; ideally this book would have worked way better if Jones had stuck to the Reyes storyline eliminated the weak attempt at a stand alone mystery cut down on the canned sarcasm and given her characters a personality I cannot understand how Reyes could possibly be appealing? For almost all of the book he is a dream invading sex maniac who generally appears as a black blob and never says anything and conveniently plays knight in black cloud to Charley’s damsel in distress Severing spines the new route to winning hearts and seducing ladies And the grand reveal at the end? SO unnecessary The one thing this book had going for it was the fact that it was a fun light hearted read To destroy that by introducing a grand battle between Heaven and Hell is just plain sad Not to mention clichéd and completely out of keeping with the irreverent tone of the rest of this book All in all a very forgettable book; I guess I would recommend it for a beach read or for a very boring flight You know I love a well written well constructed complex urban fantasy world as much as anyone I love beautiful writing jam packed plots and wild twists that I never would have seen coming But sometimes just sometimes I have a real need for something lighthearted nonsensical silly and sexy Like the Bridget Jones version of urban fantasy Paranormal chick lit one might say First Grave on the Right is a girls' night in watching your all time favourite romcom whilst eating ice cream In your pajamas It's pure cookie dough flavoured fun It won't change your life It won't introduce you to a new way of thinking But if you're anything like me it might just hijack your mind and take it to happy land for a while Here's what this book has a sarcastic witty and hilarious heroine; a sexy mysterious guy; a murder mystery; and humour bursting from every page Oh what the hell why use words when I can say it with gifs And seeing as I'm currently re watching Buffy and it seems appropriate I'm going to say it with Buffy gifsThere's someAnd a touch ofAnd a whole lot ofAnd a bit Note to readers you might want to turn your google filters on before searching sexy gifs Unless of course you don'tI liked First Grave on the Right so much that I bought the rest of the series all at once something I just don't normally do I can see this being the kind of series that I'll need a regular fix of because it's delightfully addictive I'm now getting started on Second Grave on the Left and I can't wait to see of Charley's sarcasm Reyes' sexiness and the general demonic craziness going on sigh This was just what I needed First my over all impression of this book Then I'll give some detail as to why I feel as I do I picked this up because it got awhole passel of 4 and 5 star ratings here My over all impression of the book????It's crapWhy do I think that? Well at first I was thinking it would be okay if not one I really liked It opened with an account of the protagonists dream where she was having intercourse with a hot shadowy figure She made sure to tell us she'd had an orgasmI sighed and went on I can live with a little overt sex in a book if the author seems to think that it's important to the story I can usually skim through it if it gets really graphic And if it's really for the story you won't be getting a heavy or graphic sex scene every second page This was in your face than graphic It was a short intro passage and I figured it was to tell me what a kick ass female protagonist we hadExcept that about every second page our female PIGrim reaper had to refer back to her hot dream She had to be sure and tell meus that she'd never had an orgasm in a dream before She had to tell us about her shadowy lover's body parts etcI sighed and moved past a lotThere is a bit of humor here but I didn't find the character as funny as some didor as funny as she finds herselfSadly for me anyway I did see the beginnings of an interesting story here but the writer just couldn't or wouldn't stay with it She kept swerving off to one side The wise cracking heroine's story would draw me in and then crashI can see that I might enjoy some things by this writer but maybe I'm not the audience she's shooting for Many love this book their reviews and ratings are why I tried it though my first look at the cover art when I picked this up at the library signaled me I might be barking up the wrong proverbial tree I held on following the story and the side trails we were running down at the point where I was in the book I have no idea how many of the dead people we've encountered would have ended up being part of the main plot BUT we came to a scene where I realized we'd gone a bridge too far for me I'll say below under a spoiler marker I knew I didn't even want to follow the story any it seems there is a device she's using and of course some will disagree with me that was something I didn't care forSo 1 star because I can't go lower and I didn't finish the book Now what pushed me over the edge?view spoiler As I said our heroine goes on at length about her sex life Up to a point I was philosophical about it I could take the commentary on men's butts and so on Some feel that's just the female half of the population getting their own back a bitBut we came to a scene where we saw what was described as a boy being assaulted possibly attempted murderour protagonist intervenes of course Not to give the whole scene but when she interacts with the boy he seems bigger He wants her to stay out of it He threatens her he grabs her throat and pushes her back okay at this point I had to realize the impression I had from the first mention that he was about 13 was wrong When she insists that she will call the police anyway he asks her have you ever been raped? By the time he had his hand between her legs I'd put the book down and don't plan to pick it up again You who like this thingenjoy It's not for me Possibly just me but I prefer that my light reading contain as few rapes andor attempted rapes as possibleIt seems to me that whenever things slow up a bit or there's a lull in the action the author goes for the groin Not the best of literary devicesAs I said if it's your cup of tea enjoy To me it seems to be going the way of the only Laural K Hamilton book I've triedKeep it hide spoiler First Grave on the Right by Darynda Jones is a 2011 St Martin’s Press publication Uproariously funny and Uniue This is the first book in the Charley Davidson series I’ve noticed a few of my GR friends have read books in this series and it seems to be popular but I was not sure about diving into a paranormal urban fantasy series after burning out on the genre during the ‘Twilight’ craze So I initially passed on it But I am craving something otherworldly right now so when I noticed a new installment in this series was coming out soon and picking up a little chatter I decided to see if this one would be a good fit for me If this first book is any indication then I’d say I could fall completely under the Charley Davidson’s scathing testy and snappy spellCharley is a private investigator and a grim reaper By grim reaper I mean she is able to see dead people and her job is to lure them into the light To convince them she often has to help them find peace by discovering who murdered them or finally getting justice on their behalf With the help of her uncle a deceased former gang member named Angel and her best friend Cookie Charley solves crimes and helps the dead pass over But in her personal life she’s coping with an unseen entity that visits her dreams in a super hot sensual way Finding who and what this entity is that has followed her around her entire life is her most fervent wish But as they say Be careful what you wish for I’ve read urban fantasy stories that were light and funny some that were serious and super dark but I’ve never read one that mixed such sharp wit and gallows humor with action adventure dark fantasy and a genuine murder mystery before But that’s not all Capping it all off is a dangerous forbidden romance I’m sold I need to start another series like I need a hole in head and I loathe the idea of binge reading but I’m signing on for this one all the way Can’t wait to read the next book 35 ish stars “Don't fear the reaper Just be very very aware of her” Well personally I have mixed feelings towards the reaper Confused Befuddled Puzzled Disconcerted Call it what you like it's still the same While First Grave on the Right was a gripping and funny story I had some issues with it especially with CharleyLet's take it from the start “Just a girl a few ghosts and the entire human race What could be easier?” The creepy guy we call the reaper is not that creepy after all Nor a guy Charley Davidson a Private Investigator that always always gets into trouble has a second important job she ferries souls to the other side and sometimes helps them deal with their unfinished business meaning she investigates their murders In First Grave on the Right three lawyers were killed because of a case and Charley her Uncle Bob and the rest of the APD search for the men responsible For Charley it means getting beaten up falling from warehouses almost getting killed etc etc while she tries to solve the mystery that cloaks the sexy man that visits her dreams and now becomes a part of her reality And when I say sexy I mean really sexy “Reyes FarrowBecause perfection is a dirty job but someone has to do it” But we'll talk about this sexy devil later “Better to see dead than be dead” Darynda Jones certainly knows how to write a helluva entertaining book There were so many times my shoulders shook from laughter I loved the sass and the banters and the way Charley handled the dead people Hell I loved all the dead people from Angel to Demon Child But there are some buts At some points my head hurt from the struggle to understand what the hell was going on and later there was such an info dump that my head also hurt from the struggle to process the information I liked the crime aspect it kept me on edge and was never boring but the conclusion of this case felt a little underwhelmingAnd then there is Charley I couldn't help but compare her to Kate Daniels and found her lacking Kate Daniels? She's insubordinate and smart and kicks some ass in an I wanna be you way Charley Davidson? She's borderline ridiculous slightly annoying and unrealistic a cheap imitation Her bravado and cockiness almost drove me nuts she tried hard to convince everyone that she's a badass while Kate is genuinely a badass I'm sorry Charley but you acted like a child trying to impress the adults And I was not impressedExcept Garrett who was a total douchebag I liked the secondary characters They had attitude they were witty and a great addition to the story And then comes Reyes Hot damn The parts I enjoyed the most were the ones where Charley tried to discover the secrets about his past While his true identity took me by surprise and there are yet many things to learn about him his presence affected me the way it affected Charley Hot damn Well to be honest Charley was constantly horny but her chemistry with Reyes was off the charts and I may have drooled a little Just a littleAs you can tell there were many pros and cons I will continue with Charley Davidson's adventures in the future but that's not a priority for the time being I do recommend this series if you're in for a fun sexy paranormal story full of action and laughter So I was browsing in the New Fiction shelves at my library the other day — you know just like every bookaholic does — and I came across debut author Darynda Jones' First Grave on the Right I flipped through it thought it sounded interesting but decided to put it back for the moment since my bag was already giving me a shoulder cramp Just as I was putting it back on the shelf I noticed the blurb on the cover The best debut novel I've read in years Hilarious and heartfelt sexy and surprising An absolute must read — JR WardAnd my first thought was JR Ward? Sold So twenty pound shoulder cramping book bag in hand I headed to the library's check out — and what a great decision that turned out to beOur main character Charley has been gifted or cursed depending on how the onlooker chooses to see it with the ability to see the dead since birth But that isn't all she does Charley is the grim reaper She helps the dead pass on to the other side At a very young age Charley began helping her father a currently retired police detective solve murder cases Today she continues this line of work as a private investigator working with Uncle Bob It's a lot easier to solve a crime when you know who the murderer is or where the body is stashedTo top this off Charley's had to deal with an evil stepmother because her biological mother died giving birth to her As you can image Charley's life hasn't been an easy one But she seems to take it all in strideCharley is uite the character She's very sassy and snarky but underneath that she has a lot of heart You can't help but like her and wish you had friend with her spirit and attitudeAnd what to say about the mysterious and alluring Reyes? I won't spoil the nature of what Reyes truly is but it is a little bit of a shocker The book's synopsis kind of makes it sound like Reyes is an incubus but I won't say what he is Just know that it is fairly original when compared to all of the vampires and werewolves and that this reader looks forward to delving into his character in the seuelOne of the best things about this book is that there is a nice helping of HUMOR There hasn't been nearly enough humor in my reading regimen lately but First Grave on the Right has brought back the humor for me and I'm enjoying the stomach painJust check out some of these uotes I awoke at the butt crack of dawn with the call of nature urging me out of bedI went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to MetallicaI once signed up for an anger management class but the instructor pissed me offAnd there's plenty where those came fromThis book was just fabulous And you know what is even fabulous? The fact that I only have to wait until August 16th to read its seuel Second Grave on the LeftPeople looking for a feel good funny sexy summer read should really enjoy First Grave on the RightPS I am envious of the cover model's feet Or foot as the case may be Garrett chose that moment to join the conversation “I appreciate your forethought” he said his tone distant as if his mind were elsewhere “Not as much as your fore parts but still”I twisted around in my seat to face him “My fore parts as you so inelouently put it have names” I pointed to my right breast “This is Danger” Then my left “And this is Will Robinson I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly”After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times he asked “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug “I named my ovaries too but they don’t get out as much”Now if that little uote didn’t convince you to read First Grave on the Right nothing I write will either There's a new generation of UF authors who are slowly but surely rising to the throne The names that instantly come to mind are Nicole Peeler Jaye Wells and now Darynda Jones I think it’s a lot harder to succeed these days than it was for Charlaine Harris Patricia Briggs or Ilona Andrews for example It has become very difficult to find something new and exciting to read in the ocean of new UF novels Yes ladies and gentlemen we’ve seen it all and a completely original story is now a distant dream I guess there are two ways around that obstacle The first is finding something never before used which is as I’ve already said almost impossible Nicole Peeler did it sure but she IS a college professor and all professors are generally awesome The second would be developing a great sense of humor if you don’t already have one and using it to distinguish yourself That’s the path Darynda Jones chose and she was extremely successful The best way to start a book is with a laugh Jones obviously knows this By making the reader laugh on the very first page the author achieves two important goals heshe makes the MC instantly likeable and because of that the reader keeps turning those pagesI’ve read a couple of reviews comparing Jones to Janet Evanovich Having just recently finished Wicked Appetite I think that the only thing they have in common is that they are both hilarious Although First Grave on the Right certainly is a fun read and Jones undoubtedly has a fantastic sense of humor she does not have Evanovich’s courage to just let go abandon all rules and reason along the way But unlike Wicked Appetite First Grave on the Right has a solid story that holds all the humor together Don't you just love it when the majority of your friends love a book and keep telling you to read it but for some reason you don't get around to it Then when you finally dothe only uestion that begs asking is why didn't I read this sooner?? That's this book exactly But bewareif you do not like snark do not read this book It is loaded with snark with snark on top and even some snark sprinkles but any girl that names her boobs Danger and Will Robinson and her ovaries Beam me up and Scotty is A OK in my book Charley is a private investigator and works closely with the Albuuerue police department namely her Uncle Bob who is a Detective but she is also The Grim Reaper and her main job is to help dead people pass to the other side This is a bonus for Charley in that she can often talk to victims and help solve their crimes I really enjoyed Charley and thought she was hilarious It was great that there were things she didn't know or understand and that she was doing a lot of things on the fly The one thing that was a bit strange was that she is described as being 'sparkly' as in the light she gives off being the Grim Reaper aka portal It just gave me a weird Twilight vibe Charley has an assistant who is her best friend and who also lives right across the hall from her named Cookie Cookie is the best friend ever She is always there for Charley and accepts her as she is I really enjoyed her but would have liked to get 'about' her Of course there are a couple of men Garrett Swopes is a skiptracer think bounty hunter and while taken back about Charley in the beginning it does seem that he is coming around And then there is Reyeshot hot hot Reyes and did I mention intense? hot and intense and naughty That's rightnaughty And right from the start we find out that nightly he is trying to get into Charley's pants and doing a darn fine job The problem is he's only doing that in her dreams Here's a little visual YepReyes is no Gandy Candyhe's hot and earthy and growly He's a big part of the story and we find out lots of interesting things about him as does Charley I have a mighty need to know why he calls her 'Dutch' Of course there is a police case going on and things do get a bit muddled It's just that's there so much going on and so many characters but the good part is that towards the end you should have a good grip on things I'm sure this will make the next books much easier The other part that needs mentioning is the chapter titles with the tshirt and bumper sticker sayings A couple of my favorites are Never knock on death’s door Ring the doorbell then run He totally hates that —T SHIRTI may not look like much but I’m an expert at pretending to be a ninja —BUMPER STICKER LOVED the ending and definitely a fine start to what seems to be a great series Twenty lashes with a wet noodle acceptedFavorite uotes ♦ “Were you just possessed?” Cookie asked after a long moment awe softening her voice “ ’Cause let me tell you sweetheart if that was possession I’m selling my soul”♥ Why does the Earth seek the warmth of the sun?” My brows slid together trying to understand “Or the forest seek the embrace of the rain?” HA What a crazy fun read Definitely not my usual fare and honestly I almost threw in the towel than onceprior to the half way point but then Reyes his difficult family life and the BIG BAD caught my attentionPI Charlotte Charley Davidson is a 27 year old beauty She drives a jeep named Miseryin honor of the master of horrorhas a cop for an unclean ex cop for a dad and an evil step mother Most importantly though she has very special abilitiesabilities not everyone believes SHE SEES GHOSTStalks to ghostsand even acts as a portal to the other sideMost of Charley's other worldly friends are pleasant and just want helpanswersor to deliver messages to those left behind but one presence in her life is dark creepya huge cloaked figure who sweeps in and around herand another who enters her dreamsis dangerously mysteriousirresistibly sensualand ultimately her protectorCharley Davidson in many ways reminds me of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum Working cases in conjunction with the policegreat sidekicks love Cookie Angelcracking wiseALWAYS getting into troubleAND having lots of hot sexFIRST GRAVE ON THE RIGHT is an entertaining read albeit overall a bit too light for me I truly like my ghosts super creepy scary LIKE THE SECRET WE DISCOVER IN THE END hehehe35 Stars with a roundup to 40 Just might have to read one Many thanks to St Martin's Press and NetGalley for the complimentary reading opportunity

First Grave on the Right MOBI ä Grave on the  Epub
  • Hardcover
  • 310 pages
  • First Grave on the Right
  • Darynda Jones
  • English
  • 15 August 2014
  • 9780312662752